nom nom nom.

this social anxiety is crippling.

i don't know how it got this way.

my therapist says it's part of being bipolar.

but i've never felt this way before now, so i'm not really sure about all that jazz.

but i can't stand this.

goddd i hope my medication starts kicking in real soon.

word around the office is that it might not start working for another 2-4 weeks.

christ.

jesus h.

fuck.

mm perkins muffins are to die for.

delicious.

if i hadn't consumed the thing at a rapid pace, i would have taken a picture and posted it on here.

like you all fucking care what my effing muffin looked like.

or maybe you do.

bahaha.

either way, it was delicious.

and now i'm filled to the brim.

fucking doughnut.

i hadn't eaten for two days straight.

i still haven't slept.

i shouldn't have eaten that FUCKING DOUGHNUT.

wish me a happy valentine's day when you call.

ahh, Valentine's Day.

it just reminds me of Eternal Sunshine.

if you've seen it, you'd understand.

if not, then you need to get off your ass and fucking watch it.

snow's on the ground.

what the fuck?

I'm feeling pretty good.

i'm not sure if my medicine is starting to kick in or not, but either way i don't really care.

i didn't sleep last night.

that's always lovely.

collages.

magazine clippings.

glue sticks.

the works.

spent the night with beautiful people.

Soleil McAuley.

Jeff Havens.

Mike Havens.

Billy [i can't spell his last name], but he's beautiful all the same.

i don't feel lonely.

surprisingly enough.

it's just...

i want to be able to really feel something again.

hope.

there's got to be someone.

someone well-rounded.

someone to travel with.

i've got a whole fucking list.

there has got to be someone out there that will make me want to live.

i'm trying so hard not to give up all hope.

he's got to be out there.

i just know it.

or at least i keep saying that to try and convince myself of the fact.

i don't know what to think anymore.

or maybe that's just my bipolar speaking.

who the fuck knows.

i don't.

now this all makes sense.

well, most of it.

yesterday i finally got officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

which pretty much explains everything that i've been going through lately.

i don't really know what to think of all of this, but it's somewhat comforting to finally have a label to put on it, so i can stop just going around excusing myself for things that i do, claiming that i'm "just crazy".

well.

now that i'm home, i've found that i have a lot of free time on my hands.

i'm so scared that i'm going to gain weight, due to my boredom.

god help me.

god help us all.

cah-rishhhtttttttt.

i'm trying to occupy my restlessness with decorating my new room, which I will provide you all with a picture pretty soon.

It's defintely not through yet, but i'm working on it.

and by "i", i mean my mother and i.

home again, home again.

so i have officially returned home.

to summerville.

or hell.

whichever, whichever.

i'm torn.

i'm lost.

i'm confused.

my entire world has been torn apart and flipped around and upside down and just vomited me back up.

i'm so out of it.

i charged my new tattoo, as seen in my previous post.

thus resulting in my father canceling my card.

fuck it.